Relationships and Community on Conflict

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The Key Word in a Disagreement

Author

Keywords

Scripture

Colossians 3:12-13, Matthew 5:44, Ecclesiastes 7:9, Philippians 2:3-4, James 3:17, Proverbs 15:1, 2 Timothy 2:24-25

The key word in our definition of a disagreement (an unacceptable difference between two perspectives), isn’t “difference.” It’s “unacceptable.” Once the clash between perspectives becomes unacceptabl...

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Anxiety in Disagreements

Author

Buster Benson

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:44, Colossians 3:12-13, Proverbs 29:11, 2 Timothy 2:23-24, Romans 12:18

Anxiety sparks when a perspective we value bumps into another perspective that challenges it in some way. If we find this new perspective to be unacceptable, that’s when our “Someone is wrong on the i...

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Almighty God, harsh words and personal

Author

Laura B. Murray

Keywords

Scripture

1 Peter 3:9, Matthew 5:5, Romans 12:17-19, Colossians 3:12-14, Proverbs 15:1, Matthew 5:44, Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 18:21, Matthew 12:36

Almighty God, harsh words and personal attacks can bring out the worst in us. We find ourselves spending energy on thoughts of retaliation and plans to protect ourselves. Father forgive us. We long to...

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“Divorce? Never, But Murder, Often”

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Song of Solomon 8:6-7, Ephesians 4:2-3, Colossians 3:13-14, Proverbs 17:9, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The British actress Sybil Thorndike was married to Sir Lewis Casson another prolific actor. Their marriage was rather tumultuous at times, and after his death, she was once asked, “Did you ever think ...

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The Golden Result

Author

Ken Sande

Keywords

Scripture

1 John 1:9, Luke 6:37, Romans 12:10, Proverbs 15:1, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32, James 5:16

The Golden Result is a corollary to the Golden Rule, which calls us to do to others as we would have them do to us. The Golden Result says that people will usually treat us as we treat them. If we bla...

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Author

Blaise Pascal

Keywords

Scripture

Philippians 3:13-14, Romans 12:18, Colossians 3:13, James 5:16, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Psalm 147:3

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves.

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Changing Someone’s Mind (Isn’t Easy)

Author

Buster Benson

Keywords

Scripture

James 1:4, Proverbs 4:23, Isaiah 26:3, Colossians 3:2, Ephesians 4:22-24, Philippians 4:8

A mind is more like a pile of millions of little rocks than a single big boulder. To change a mind, we need to carry thousands of little rocks from one pile to another, one at a time. This is because ...

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Fearing to Want

Author

Jen Pollock Michel

Keywords

Scripture

Ephesians 5:18-21, Proverbs 20:1, 1 Corinthians 10:23-24, Colossians 3:5, James 1:12-15, Matthew 6:19-24, Ecclesiastes 6:9

In her thought-provoking book, Teach us to Want , Jen Pollock Michel describes the tension in listening to our deepest desires: some of them these desires are integral to our identity, but they a...

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Adapted from Colossians 3:12-17

Scripture

Colossians 3:12-17

Leader: Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience All: bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against an...

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Tearing the Leech Off

Author

Gary Preston

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 6:14-15, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Romans 12:17-21, 1 Peter 3:9, Proverbs 19:11, Luke 17:3-4

There’s a story about a traveler making his way with a guide through the jungles of Burma. They came to a shallow but wide river and waded through it to the other side. When the traveler came out of t...

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How Do Porcupines Cuddle?

Keywords

Scripture

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Philippians 2:3-4, Proverbs 15:1, Colossians 3:12-13, Ephesians 4:2-3, Romans 12:18

The furniture salesman said the couch would seat five friends without a problem. Then I realized, I don’t have five friends without a problem. Old joke—sorry—but still. It reminds me of the old saying...

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Forgiveness Means Going Soft on Justice

Author

N. T. Wright

Keywords

Forgiveness

Scripture

Romans 5:10, Matthew 5:44, Luke 23:34, Mark 11:25, Colossians 3:13

In the Middle East both the main protagonists embrace religions where forgiveness has never been seen as a duty, let alone as a virtue, but rather as a kind of moral weakness—and by “moral weakness” I...

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Race and Friendship

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Colossians 3:11, 1 Corinthians 12:25-26, Romans 12:10, James 2:1, Galatians 3:28

In a 2009 stand-up special, Chris Rock made a funny, and perhaps true, statement: “All my black friends have a bunch of white friends. And all my white friends have one black friend.” It turns out, R...

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Author

Tod E. Bolsinger

Keywords

Scripture

Psalm 15:1-2, Ephesians 4:15, 2 Corinthians 1:12, Colossians 3:12-14, Romans 12:9-10

Relational congruence is the ability to be fundamentally the same person with the same values in every relationship, in every circumstance and especially amidst crisis. It is the internal capacity to ...

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The Line Runs Through

Author

Fleming Rutledge

Keywords

Scripture

Colossians 3:12-14, 1 Peter 3:8-9, Philippians 2:3-4, James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:2-3, Romans 12:16-18, Romans 3:23

In any polarized situation, the overriding human tendency is to draw a line with oneself and one’s allies on the good side and the opposing party on the wicked side, with very little attempt made by e...

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Author

Charles Williams

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 28:13, Matthew 6:14-15, 2 Corinthians 2:10-11, Luke 17:3-4, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13

Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while both parties came prepared to forgive, neither party came prepared to be forgiven.

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The Echo of an Argument

Author

John Ortberg

Keywords

Scripture

2 Corinthians 5:18, Psalm 34:18, Romans 12:18, James 1:19-20, Proverbs 15:1, Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13

Philip Yancey writes of a friend whose marriage was choked by hostility. One night the friend reached the breaking point: “I hate you!” he screamed at his wife. “I won’t take it any more. I’ve had eno...

liturgy

Gracious God, we come before you with

Author

Laura B. Murray

Keywords

Scripture

2 Timothy 1:7, 1 John 4:18, Matthew 5:44, Ephesians 4:31-32, 1 Corinthians 16:14, Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:12-14

Gracious God, we come before you with humility, recognizing that doubt has led our decisions. We have allowed fear to lead, rather than love. Because of this, we have been unkind to our families, our ...

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R.C. Sproul & The Social Pariah

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-35, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13, John 8:10-11, Psalm 103:12, Isaiah 1:18

The pastor R.C. Sproul was studying in the Netherlands in the last 1960s and randomly struck up a conversation with a Dutch woman. The conversation was a common, enjoyable interaction, but when it was...

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Put the World’s Enemies in a Room Together

Author

Lori Gottlieb

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 17:17, 1 Peter 3:8-9, Philippians 2:3-4, Romans 12:10, Colossians 3:12-13

During my training [as a therapist], a supervisor once told me, “There’s something likable in everyone,” and to my great surprise, I found that she was right. It’s impossible to get to know people dee...

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“Chancing One’s Arm”

Author

Diana Garland

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 16:7, James 3:17-18, Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13, 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, Romans 12:18

In her book Family Ministry, Diana Garland relates the following account by R.L. Honeycutt on the origin of the Irish expression “Chancing one’s arm”: On display in St. Patrick’s cathedral in Dublin...

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Author

Benjamin Franklin

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:23-24, Proverbs 16:32, Colossians 3:8, Ephesians 4:26-27, Proverbs 15:18, Proverbs 14:29, James 1:19-20

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

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The Controversial Cookies

Author

Reader’s Digest

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 7:1-2, John 7:24, Proverbs 18:2, James 4:11-12, 1 Corinthians 4:5, Proverbs 21:2, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:12-13

A traveler, between flights at an airport, went to a lounge and bought a small package of cookies. Then she sat down and began reading a newspaper. Gradually, she became aware of a rustling noise. Fro...

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Author

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Keywords

Scripture

1 Thessalonians 5:15, Romans 12:20-21, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:31-32, Romans 12:14

I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray; no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face, that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed in intercession ...

Quote

Author

Miroslav Volf

Keywords

Scripture

Romans 3:23, Luke 6:27-28, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Matthew 6:14-15, 1 John 1:8-9, Proverbs 24:17-18

Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans and myself from the community of sinners.

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The Victory of God

Author

Walter Brueggemann

Keywords

Scripture

1 Peter 3:9, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12-14, Luke 6:36, Romans 12:21, Matthew 5:7, Micah 6:8

The victory of God in our time over this deathly idolatry is hidden from us, as God’s decisive victory is always hidden from us. We do not know exactly when and where the victory has been wrought. It ...

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Work, Relationships, and Personal Maturity

Author

Tom Nelson

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 12:11, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Matthew 22:37-39, Colossians 3:23-24, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Psalm 133:1

Sharan Merriam and Carolyn Clark, in their fine study Lifelines , effectively show that life is fundamentally about two things—our work and our relationships. And maturity is found in having the c...

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Author

Max Lucado

Keywords

Forgiveness

Scripture

1 John 1:9, James 5:16, Luke 6:37, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:31-32

Forgiveness vacillates like this. It has fits and starts, good days and bad. Anger intermingled with love. Irregular mercy. We make progress only to make a wrong turn. Step forward and fall back. But ...

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How We Become Peacemakers

Author

Jerry Bridges

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:9, James 4:1-2, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:12-13, Romans 12:18, 1 John 2:9-11

To become peacemakers, then, we must begin with ourselves. We must ask ourselves, “Why do I make cutting remarks to another person? Why do I make demeaning remarks about them?” We must also ask oursel...

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Author

Nicholas Wolterstorff

Keywords

Scripture

Ephesians 2:14, Colossians 3:15, Matthew 5:9, Isaiah 9:6-7, Romans 14:17, Psalm 85:10, Micah 4:3-4

In shalom, each person enjoys justice, enjoys his or her rights. There is no shalom without justice. But shalom goes beyond justice. Shalom is the human being dwelling at peace in all his or her relat...

relationships and community on Conflict

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