Relationships and Community on Controversy

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The Key Word in a Disagreement

Author

Keywords

Scripture

Colossians 3:12-13, Matthew 5:44, Ecclesiastes 7:9, Philippians 2:3-4, James 3:17, Proverbs 15:1, 2 Timothy 2:24-25

The key word in our definition of a disagreement (an unacceptable difference between two perspectives), isn’t “difference.” It’s “unacceptable.” Once the clash between perspectives becomes unacceptabl...

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Anxiety in Disagreements

Author

Buster Benson

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:44, Colossians 3:12-13, Proverbs 29:11, 2 Timothy 2:23-24, Romans 12:18

Anxiety sparks when a perspective we value bumps into another perspective that challenges it in some way. If we find this new perspective to be unacceptable, that’s when our “Someone is wrong on the i...

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A Failure to Appreciate the Other’s Point of View

Author

John Stott

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 18:13, Matthew 18:16, Romans 12:18, Proverbs 20:3, Matthew 5:24

Most quarrels are due to a misunderstanding, and the misunderstanding is due to our failure to appreciate the other person’s point of view. It is more natural to us to talk than to listen, to argue th...

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Arguments are Everywhere

Author

Buster Benson

Keywords

We argue with our alarm clock, which insists we wake up. We argue with our clothes that wear out or stop fitting. We argue with our bodies, we argue with our pets, we argue with bumps in the sidewalk ...

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The Fruit of a Productive Disagreement

Author

Buster Benson

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 17:22, Romans 12:10, Proverbs 27:17, Proverbs 15:22, Matthew 11:15

A productive disagreement yields fruit: the fruit of security, by removing a threat, reducing a risk, resulting in a deal, or concluding with a decision; the fruit of growth, by revealing new informat...

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Taking Convictions Seriously

Author

Tim Muehlhoff and Richard Langer

Keywords

We might say that convictions are firmly held moral or religious beliefs that guide our beliefs, actions, or choices…[M]ost Christians attach their convictions to Christ personally. In other words, we...

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Choosing a Hymn (Is Not as Easy as You Might Think)

Author

Hayes Parish Register.

Keywords

Scripture

Romans 12:16, Philippians 2:3, 1 Corinthians 14:26, Psalm 15:1-2, Psalm 100:1-2

From the Hayes Parish Church on 18 March 1749: The Clerk gave out the 100th Psalm, and the Singers immediately opposed him, and sang the 15th and bred a disturbance.

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The Dueling Fish

Author

Jeff Myers

Keywords

One of my friends developed a PowerPoint presentation with a set of “dueling fish” images to illustrate this point. In the first image, a believer puts a Jesus fish on his car. Then his atheist neighb...

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Um…That’s My Bumper Sticker

Author

Scott Sauls

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 7:1-2, 1 Samuel 16:7, John 7:24, Romans 14:10-13, 1 Corinthians 4:5, Psalm 18:27

During the 1992 presidential elections a friend of mine told me about an awkward moment in his Bible study. One of the group members expressed excitement because that Sunday, she had seen a bumper sti...

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Political Membership: Dependent on "Good Behavior"

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:10-12, Luke 6:22-23, Luke 12:51-53, Galatians 6:9, Galatians 1:10, Proverbs 29:25

Jane Addams (1860–1935), a leading American social reformer, was a dedicated advocate for racial equality, women’s suffrage, and pacifism. In 1931, she was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1900,...

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Donne, Undone

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Ephesians 5:31-33, Matthew 19:4-6, Romans 8:28, Proverbs 22:1, 1 Timothy 3:7, Titus 2:7-8, Philippians 2:15, 1 Peter 2:12, Galatians 6:4-5, Daniel 1:17-21

While movies and novels often present stories of a budding love interest willing to give up everything for “true love” (Romeo and Juliet, for example), the renowned poet, and later clergyman, John Don...

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How Do Porcupines Cuddle?

Keywords

Scripture

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Philippians 2:3-4, Proverbs 15:1, Colossians 3:12-13, Ephesians 4:2-3, Romans 12:18

The furniture salesman said the couch would seat five friends without a problem. Then I realized, I don’t have five friends without a problem. Old joke—sorry—but still. It reminds me of the old saying...

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Author

Frederick William Robertson

Keywords

Disagreement is refreshing when two men lovingly desire to compare their views to find out truth. Controversy is wretched when it is only an attempt to prove another wrong. Religious controversy does ...

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Author

John Hagee

Keywords

A pure heart won't get us out of conflict and controversy. It may well be the very thing that gets us into it.

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Don't Take Conflict Personally

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

1 Peter 3:8-11

Called to Pastor, Inclined to Argue When I was graduating from college in the mid-2000s, I was encouraged to take a career test to determine where my personality type would fit in the working world. ...

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Adapted from Hosea 4

Author

Dustin Ray

Keywords

Scripture

Hosea 4:1-2

Pastor: “Hear the word of the LORD, O children of Israel, for the LORD has a controversy with the inhabitants of the land. There is no faithfulness or steadfast love, and no knowledge of God in the la...

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Brené Brown Struggling to Belong

Author

Brené Brown

Keywords

Scripture

Numbers 12:null, Joshua 2:null, Matthew 9:9, Mark 5:1-10, Mark 5:25-34, Luke 19:1-10, John 4:1-42, Galatians 3:28

Belonging can be such a fickle and painful process in life. As the popular researcher and writer Brené Brown describes in her book, Braving the Wilderness, she struggled to fit in after moving to New ...

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Showing People Louis

Author

Mike Cosper

Keywords

Scripture

1 Samuel 16:7, Matthew 6:1, John 12:43, Galatians 1:10, Philippians 2:3

In his excellent book, Recapturing the Wonder: Transcendent Faith in a Disenchanted World , Mike Cosper shares a short vignette about the comedian Louis C.K.* Louis CK tells fans he meets in pu...

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Author

Phillip Yancey

Keywords

The issue is not whether I agree with someone but rather how I treat someone with whom I profoundly disagree. We Christians are called to use the “weapons of grace,” which means treating even our oppo...

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Author

Francis A. Schaeffer

Keywords

Truth carries with it confrontation. Truth demands confrontation; loving confrontation, but confrontation nevertheless.

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Confrontation Defined

Author

Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Keywords

Scripture

Genesis 32:22-32, Exodus 5:1-21, 2 Samuel 12:1-14, Matthew 18:15-17, John 21:15-19, Psalm 141:5

The Latin term for confrontation means “to turn your face toward, to look at frontally.” It merely indicates that you are turning toward the relationship and the person. You are face-to-face, so to sp...

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Author

Philip Reiff

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 4:1-11, Acts 2:1-4 , John 20:24-29, Psalm 19:1-4 , Psalm 6:10, Psalm 66:5-7

Arguments are ineffectual unless supported by events.

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Mutual Accusations

Author

William Ury

Keywords

Scripture

Genesis 3:8-13, Matthew 7:3-5, Romans 14:10-13, Luke 6:41-42, James 6:41-42, James 4:11-12, Ephesians 4:31-32

In the mid-1980s, I helped facilitate a series of conferences between top Soviet and American policy advisers on the question of how to prevent a nuclear war. The times were tense and the accusations ...

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The Most Damaging Charge

Author

Richard J. Mouw

Keywords

Scripture

Leviticus 19:15, Proverbs 18:17, 1 Kings 3:9, Matthew 7:1–5, John 7:24, Psalm 141:5

At a recent gathering of seminary professors, one teacher reported that at his school the most damaging charge one student can lodge against another is that the person is being “judgmental.” He found ...

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Author

Rick Love

Keywords

Conflict is a painful fact of life. Many of us have not experienced the trauma of war or the violence of racism, but we have all been wounded by words.

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Quarreling Yesterday & Today

Author

Tim Muehlhoff & Richard Langer

Keywords

In Paul’s day the church quarreled over the Jewish law and over genealogies, over meat sacrificed to idols and sabbath practices, and over favoritism shown to the rich patrons and negligence shown to ...

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Author

Winston S. Churchill

Keywords

You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must...

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Innovation or Heresy

Author

Stuart R. Strachan, Jr.

Keywords

Scripture

Ecclesiastes 7:10, Colossians 2:8, Matthew 9:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:21, Romans 12:2, Mark 7:8-9, Isaiah 43:19

It’s funny how sometimes members of the church can associate anything new with “heresy.” We often make the mistake of confusing technological innovations or scientific discoveries for changes to the g...

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Author

Charles Dickens

Keywords

Thus, cases of injustice, and oppression, and tyranny, and the most extravagant bigotry, are in constant occurrence among us every day. It is the custom to trumpet forth much wonder and astonishment a...

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Author

Max Lucado

Keywords

Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.

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