Relationships and Community on Being Offended

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Living in Outrage Heaven

Author

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Scripture

Psalm 37:8, Colossians 3:8, Galatians 5:22-23, Romans 12:17-18, Matthew 7:1-2

The political cartoonist and Op-Ed writer Tim Kreider has provided us with some insight into the “world of outrage” we currently inhabit. A world that has been amplified by the dawn of the Internet an...

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Author

Blaise Pascal

Keywords

Scripture

Philippians 3:13-14, Romans 12:18, Colossians 3:13, James 5:16, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Psalm 147:3

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves.

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Author

Louis C. K.

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Scripture

Matthew 13:57, Mark 6:1, Romans 9:13, 2 Corinthians 6:3, 1 Corinthians 10:32

Offending people is a necessary and healthy act. Every time you say something that’s offensive to another person, you just caused a discussion. You just forced them to have to think.

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Why We Laugh

Author

Alexandra Kuykendall

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Scott Weems, author of Ha! The Science of When We Laugh and Why, explains that humor stems from our brains being confused about how to respond, which is why we often laugh at inappropriate times. “Wha...

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The Key to Understanding Anger

Author

Robert Farrar Capon

Keywords

In his book The Mystery of Christ , a series of fictionalized pastoral counseling sessions (based on actual events), the Episcopal priest Robert Farrar Capon shares a number of helpful ways of unde...

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Prayers of the People, Form V

Scripture

Luke 15:11-32, Psalm 51:10, 1 John 1:9, Psalm 103:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, John 17:21, Ephesians 4:3-6

Deacon or other leader In peace, let us pray to the Lord, saying, "Lord, have mercy" ( or "Kyrie eleison"). For the holy Church of God, that it may be filled with truth and lov...

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Beloved: The Truth About Yourself

Author

Henri J. M. Nouwen

Keywords

Scripture

Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 139:13-14, Romans 8:38-39, Isaiah 43:1-2, Deuteronomy 31:8, 1 John 3:1, Zephaniah 3:17

Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: “These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot...

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Almighty and most merciful God, we have

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Scripture

Psalm 51:1-2, Isaiah 53:6, 1 John 1:9, James 5:16, Romans 3:23-24

Almighty and most merciful God, we have erred and strayed from your ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against your holy laws. ...

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Author

Henri J. M. Nouwen

Keywords

Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: “These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot...

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Responding to Criticism

Author

Cody Sandahl

Keywords

Scripture

Mark 9:42-47, Matthew 18:1-10, Luke 17:1-4

As a pastor, I have received my fair share of letters and missives criticizing my words or actions. Some have been anonymous, others put their name on it. When the criticism felt unfair or angered me,...

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Author

Ronald A. Heifetz, Marty Linsky, Alexander Grashow

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 19:11, Romans 12:21, Isaiah 50:7, Nehemiah 6:3, Galatians 1:10

When you take "personal" attacks personally, you unwittingly conspire in one of the common ways you can be taken out of action-you make yourself the issue. Attacks may be personal, understan...

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Two Options to Deal with Online Critcism

Author

Brant P. Hansen

Keywords

In this short excerpt from Brant Hansen’s excellent book, Unoffendable, the author shares a “hypothetical” example of how he deals with online criticism. Generally speaking, it never goes the way you ...

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Tearing the Leech Off

Author

Gary Preston

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 6:14-15, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Romans 12:17-21, 1 Peter 3:9, Proverbs 19:11, Luke 17:3-4

There’s a story about a traveler making his way with a guide through the jungles of Burma. They came to a shallow but wide river and waded through it to the other side. When the traveler came out of t...

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The Most Damaging Charge

Author

Richard J. Mouw

Keywords

Scripture

Leviticus 19:15, Proverbs 18:17, 1 Kings 3:9, Matthew 7:1–5, John 7:24, Psalm 141:5

At a recent gathering of seminary professors, one teacher reported that at his school the most damaging charge one student can lodge against another is that the person is being “judgmental.” He found ...

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Crazy, But True Stories of Criticism at a Christian Radio Station

Author

Brant P. Hansen

Keywords

In his excellent book, Unoffendable, Brant Hansen shares a few humorous, but sadly true, stories of people being critical of his work at a Christian music station: One day, we talked about the local...

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Marking Your Enemies

Author

James Martin

Keywords

Scripture

Luke 6:37, Ephesians 4:31-32, Psalm 37:8, James 1:19-20, Colossians 3:13, Proverbs 15:1

One elderly monk in his community used to show his displeasure with other monks in a highly creative way. As you may know, most monastic communities chant the psalms several times a day together in ch...

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Bitterness only Hurts Ourselves

Author

R. T. Kendall

Keywords

Scripture

Romans 12:19, Matthew 6:14-15, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Luke 6:37, Romans 12:17-21, 1 Peter 3:9

When we are bitter, we delude ourselves into thinking that those who hurt us are more likely to be punished as long as we are set on revenge. We are afraid to let go of those feelings. After all, if w...

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Author

Erich Fromm

Keywords

There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue."

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No Further Instructions

Author

Charles Swindoll

Keywords

Scripture

Colossians 3:12-13, James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:31-32, Luke 6:27-28, 1 Peter 3:9

A successful Irish boxer was converted and became a preacher. He happened to be in a new town setting up his evangelistic tent when a couple of tough thugs noticed what he was doing. Knowing nothing o...

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Author

C. S. Lewis

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The absence of anger . . . can, in my opinion, be a most alarming symptom . . . If the Jews cursed more bitterly than the Pagans this was, I think, at least in part because they took right and wrong m...

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Author

Francis Frangipane

Keywords

None of us are there yet, but if we each have this attitude, we will put to death our reactions to criticisms and offenses. And though we may still stumble, we will learn that carrying the cross is no...

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Defending the Truth

Author

Richard J. Mouw

Keywords

Scripture

Exodus 20:16 , Zechariah 8:16–17, Leviticus 19:17–18, Ephesians 4:15, Romans 12:17–18, Psalm 15:1–3

I once had the opportunity to speak briefly to a large Mormon audience at the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City. I told them that I feel badly about the fact that we evangelicals often tell Mormons what th...

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Harming Another Person’s Soul

Author

Richard J. Mouw

Keywords

Scripture

Proverbs 12:18, Exodus 20:16 , Leviticus 19:16–18, James 3:6–10, Ephesians 4:29 , Psalm 34:13–14

All that I ever really needed to know about uncivil language I learned in the fifth grade. At a small Dutch Calvinist school in a New Jersey city, I was playing with other students just before classes...

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Taking Convictions Seriously

Author

Tim Muehlhoff and Richard Langer

Keywords

We might say that convictions are firmly held moral or religious beliefs that guide our beliefs, actions, or choices…[M]ost Christians attach their convictions to Christ personally. In other words, we...

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Author

Thomas W. Currie III

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 9:9-13, Luke 23:39-43, John 8:1-11, Luke 15:25-32, Isaiah 64:6, Ephesians 2:8-9

We sometimes find God’s forgiveness to be offensive: “It reveals us to be distressingly like everyone else!” (And we are so special.)

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Starting with our Closest Relationships

Author

Mark Scandrette

Keywords

The place to begin peacemaking is in our closest relationships. Jesus said, “If … your brother or sister has something against you, [drop what you are doing] …. [G]o and be reconciled to them.” How ...

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Author

Molière

Keywords

It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I’m right.

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Compassion for a Bully

Author

Chuck DeGroat

Keywords

Scripture

Matthew 5:7, Philippians 2:1-2, James 3:17, Proverbs 17:9, Luke 6:36, 1 Peter 3:8

I love the following story because it illustrates both our natural defensiveness when we are attacked and the potential for transformation. As the illustration demonstrates, this is only possible when...

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Author

Duke Kwon

Keywords

Scripture

Genesis 50:15-21, 2 Samuel 12:13, Leviticus 6:1-5 , Luke 19:8-9 , James 5:16 , Psalm 32:5

How To Apologize • express sorrow (I’m sorry) • own guilt (I was wrong) • name specific wrongs (I did X) • name impact (I hurt u) • no IFs (sorry if I) • don’t blameshift/defend (but u) ...

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Author

Scott Sauls

Keywords

Gentleness

To the accusation of offering a gentle answer to sinners, Jesus was and is guilty as charged.

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