humor on Rumors

In 1867, the great American writer Mark Twain embarked on what he wryly called his “Great Pleasure Excursion,” a journey through Europe that would later inspire his travelogue, The Innocents Abroad...

A man went in for his annual checkup and received a phone call from his physician a couple of days later. The doctor said, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.” “What’s the news?” the man asked...

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Nothing is ever done until everyone is convinced that it ought to be done, and has been convinced for so long that it is now time to do something else.

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.

"Love! The walks over soft grass, the smiles over candlelight, the arguments over everything else."

Someone is suing Canada Dry Ginger Ale because it contains no ginger, so I’d like to formally announce my lawsuit against Panda Express.

As a committed Southern Baptist, president Jimmy Carter was often questioned by reporters on a variety of moral issues. One day, a reporter asked, “How would you feel if you were told that your daught...

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.

Years ago, the story goes, a San Diego bank hired a private investigator to track down a bank robber and retrieve stolen funds. The search led to Mexico. The investigator crossed the border and then, ...

“People say, “You must have been the class clown.” And I say, “No, I wasn’t. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.”

They say that in Martin Luther’s class on Genesis, a smart aleck student asked, “Dr. Luther, since you know so much about the book of Genesis, tell us: what was God doing all that time before God crea...

There’s a story of a young girl on a plane who was reading her Bible, and there was a businessman sitting next to her. He looked over to her and he said, you don’t really believe that do you?” And she...

If a frog dies during a frog-jumping contest in California, it can’t be eaten. In Florida, there’s no dwarf-tossing allowed. In Indiana, liquor stores can’t sell chilled water or soda In Minnesota,...

I talked to the Holy Spirit last night and he didn’t look all well. He was pale as a ghost.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The story is told of a (true) encounter that took place between the Chief Rabbi of London, a Mr. Hermann Adler, and the Catholic Cardinal Herbert Vaughan at some formal luncheon. According to accounts...

Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible.

Caesar Augustus, the first Roman emperor, had quite the sharp wit. After hearing about a Roman nobleman who had passed away with enormous debts (which were kept private throughout his lifetime), he se...

Archelaus the 5th century (BC) king of Macedon, was once having his hair cut. His barber, quite verbose like many others in his profession, asked King Archelaus how he would like his hair cut. His res...

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has been widely regarded as a bad move. (for contrast, and humor)

Humor is, in fact, a prelude to faith; and laughter is the beginning of prayer.

You have as much laughter as you have faith.

Marriage is tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.