Describe Your First Encounter with Race

Whenever I lead a training session on cultural identity—particularly when there’s a strong white presence—I begin with this question: “Describe the first encounter you remember having with race.” Most participants answer this with relative ease, and what they share is always enlightening. In the most recent training I conducted, their answers included a typical gamut of stories. The first participant described a cross-cultural friendship.

A Pakistani family moved into his neighborhood during his elementary school years, including a boy his age with whom he became fast friends… The food they ate, the clothes they wore, and the family dialect stood in contrast to the cultural norms of his white family. The second participant described the first time she saw a person of color in a public position of influence, an African American pastor that spoke at her church.

As a seventh grader, she noticed not only the pastor’s unique rhetorical style but also that there was not a single black person in her own congregation. The third participant described witnessing an overt act of prejudice, which is the most common racial encounter white people share with me. He was walking home from high school with a black friend during his freshman year when a police car followed them from a distance for a couple of blocks before pulling up next to them.

The officer rolled down his window and asked the white teenager if everything was all right. He was confused by the question and assured the officer everything was fine. As the police car drove away, he asked his black friend if he had any idea what that was about.

The black friend then told him about racial profiling, saying that instances like that were not uncommon for him. This shook the white friend to the core.

This exercise is an important introduction to conversations around race and cultural identity for a couple of reasons. First, it helps participants to reflect on encounters with race that have shaped their understanding. Second, and most important, it serves as a reminder of the normalization of whiteness. My own story is no different. The first time I was asked to describe my initial encounter with race, my answer came quickly. I was in fifth grade, and my family lived in an all-white neighborhood—until a brave black family moved in.

They were there less than a week before someone set fire to a cross in their front yard. I will never forget my confusion and the rage that boiled within me as my father explained the legacy of the Ku Klux Klan to me. Encounters like these play an important role in the growing consciousness of white Americans, but they must also remind us of how pervasive and normalized white culture is.