Getting Feedback is Hard

We all have blind spots. We all have flaws in our personalities, behavior, or work habits that we can’t see, and they block our performance and growth. But others can see them. If we permit them to give us honest feedback, they’ll do us a huge favor so we can improve. At a recent all-staff meeting, one senior staff member spoke about building this culture of feedback.

Byron emphasized the importance of feedback, taught how to give and receive it, and then, at the end, modeled how to do it. It comes down to two questions: “What did I do well? And what could I do better?” He stood in front of our entire staff and said, “So now I want you to tell me. What did I do well in my talk today, and what could I have done better?”

Nobody said a word, so he repeated the question. Finally one brave soul raised his hand and commented on what he had done well. Byron said, “Thank you for that. Now what could I have done better?” Silence. The guy was surrounded by 250 colleagues who feared offending this senior staff person. Byron pressed harder: “Come on. Give me the gift of knowing how I can improve.”

What a great statement. Finally the same guy said, “It was five minutes or so too long.” And he was right—it was five minutes too long, and everybody in the room knew it except Byron. Now he knew. Byron thanked him profusely and then said, “Someone else, what did I do well, and where can I improve?”

He asked this four or five times, getting input from different people, until it became almost fun and normal. Can you imagine how a staff or business would improve if they learned how to give and receive honest feedback on their performance?

I’m actually quite bad at giving and receiving feedback. I don’t like it; I get short of breath, and my whole body shakes.

So I procrastinate and often wait until the pain is so bad and the damage so severe that it’s too late to resolve. But I’m trying. Whenever I sense pain in my body, spirit, or relationships, I try to pay attention to it. I’m trying to find the most competent people, ask for their advice, compare their thoughts, and—this is key—find the overlap. I look for repetition. When five competent people all say the same thing, then it’s more likely you have the facts. You simply can’t improve and find freedom from the old life until you go on a fact-finding mission about what’s causing pain. So be humble, and be honest.