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Sermon Quotes

Humor

Thomas Aquinas

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

 

Cornford’s Law

Nothing is ever done until everyone is convinced that it ought to be done, and has been convinced for so long that it is now time to do something else.

Zach Galifianakis

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

 

William James

 Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

Los Angeles Times

George Harrison memorial tree, killed by beetles

 

Will Rogers

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

 

George Bernard Shaw

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

 

Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

 

Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.

 

Oscar Wilde

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go

 

Conan O’Brien

Someone is suing Canada Dry Ginger Ale because it contains no ginger, so I’d like to formally announce my lawsuit against Panda Express.

Javier Pascual Salcedo

Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible.

Max Headroom (TV Show)

Love! The walks over soft grass, the smiles over candlelight, the arguments over everything else.

Jeff Foxworthy 

I married my wife for her looks, but not the kind she’s giving me lately.

Richard Pryor

Marriage is tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

Douglas Adams

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Ellen DeGeneres

In the beginning there was nothing and God said, “let there be light.” There was still nothing, but you could see it better.

Leo Roberts

I talked to the Holy Spirit last night and he didn’t look all well. He was pale as a ghost.

Marsha Doble

I don’t pray because I don’t want God to know where I am.

Golda Meir

Moses dragged us through the desert to the one place in the Middle East where there is no oil.

Robert Silvestri

Being omniscient, God knew Murphy’s Law. On the Eighth day of creation, God said, “Okay Murphy, take over.”

Reinhold Niebuhr

Humor is, in fact, a prelude to faith; and laughter is the beginning of prayer.

“Humor and Faith,” in Discerning the Signs of the Times (New York: Charles Scribner, 1946), p. 111..

E.B. White

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Martin Luther

You have as much laughter as you have faith.

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