The Three Basic Truths About Guilt

There are three basic truths about guilt. If you’ll come back to these concepts anytime you begin to feel guilty, you will understand better what is going on emotionally and how you should approach the issue. For now, read these three truths and commit them to memory:

Guilt is a message.

Guilt is a debt.

Guilt is an opportunity.

I’ll break down each of these truths in a moment, but first, say them out loud: Guilt is a message. Guilt is a debt. Guilt is an opportunity.

1. Guilt Is a Message

Guilt is information.

It is your conscience trying to tell you that either:

you caused harm or did something wrong, or

you are telling yourself you caused harm or did something wrong even though you haven’t. Your job is to accurately read the message of guilt so you can take the right next step to address it appropriately.

Remember this: if you misread the message of guilt, you will react in ways that are unhealthy and counterproductive.

2. Guilt Is a Debt

Guilt means you owe something. Just as a defendant found guilty deserves a sentence, guilt tells you there is a consequence to your actions or lack of actions. Someone must be compensated. You must give up something—your rights, your freedom, your money, your voice. It might mean you do not deserve the good you might otherwise enjoy if you were not guilty. Remember this: guilt costs you something, and that cost can drive the decisions you make when you feel guilty.

3. Guilt Is an Opportunity

Most powerfully, guilt is an opportunity to change something or accept something. It is up to you to decide which it will be. Rather than using guilt to beat yourself up and make decisions, intentionally choose your response to it. Be curious about guilt, and use it as a chance to

clarify your values and expectations;

forgive or be forgiven;

set or strengthen your boundaries;

have meaningful conversations;

grow spiritually and strengthen your faith; or

be a more courageous, authentic, better version of yourself.