The Myth of the Search Theory

The notion that sexual chemistry is critical to a long-term relationship has led to the “search theory,” which drives people to explore more sexual relationships in order to increase their chances of finding the “right” person (the soul mate). But research reveals the exact opposite. It shows that serial monogamy—that is, a string of consecutive sexual relationships— actually hinders eventual marital satisfaction, while sexual experience before marriage is a good indicator for an increased likelihood of infidelity within marriage. It turns out that “settling down” later is a nice idea but a challenging reality.

As sociologists Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker write, “Repetitive relationships—including repetitive experiences with cohabitation—don’t lead to better marital odds, they just lead to more sex.”

Numerous research studies, including meta-analysis of those studies, show that men and women report the highest levels of satisfaction within marriage if they are married in their twenties—ages 20–27 for women and 23–27 for men. This stage of life for women coincides with their peak fertility, and so there seems to be a close fit—by design, you could say— between the best time to be married and to have a family.

Yet in the face of this overwhelming evidence, Regnerus and Uecker observe that the vast majority of emerging adults in America are convinced that marrying in their twenties heightens the chance of divorce while cohabiting is the safest route to ensuring the resilience and longevity of a relationship.