How we Deal with the Desert

We all go through desert seasons and have the opportunity to determine how we will respond. The cyclical frustrations I faced in regard to my desire for control, fear, and the longing to feel chosen were the catalysts that initiated my time in the desert. I longed to create my own transformation. I wanted to be chosen. I wanted to be in control, and following my own way, I found myself in a dry and weary place. And I couldn’t navigate my way out.

What is Control? She is a woman with fabulous hair and defined biceps. She is the straight-A student, the high-achieving executive. She is always two steps ahead. Her favorite word is yes, and she can deliver results to anyone.

And although Control is impossible to pin down, I chased her. I wanted to be her. I thought I could be her. I followed Control’s lead—hair, biceps, straight As and all. I said yes to everyone. Yes made me feel like I was in control of the outcome, and that the results depended on me alone. Yes gave me the illusion that I could deliver joy and happiness to others, as well as to myself. If you take this demanding job, you will have the financial freedom you always wanted. Yes, I’ll take it. If you copy this essay, you will be guaranteed an A. Yes, I will do it. If you try this diet pill, it will make you lose twenty-four pounds in twenty-four hours. Yes, I’ll pop that pill.

But Control is a manipulator. She promises what can’t be had. She promises perfection. While I chased after Control and envied her apparent freedom, God called after me, tried to remind me that Control was my own construct. I know this now. Looking back, I can see that no matter how perfect my wardrobe was, how thin my waist became, or how much education I obtained, nothing made me feel secure. Ironically, I couldn’t control myself out of my own desert.

The more I tried, the drier, hotter, and more desolate it became. God watched as I proved that my plan to micromanage every second of my life only led me deeper into desolation. He knew the futility of my attempts, and like a patient father, He waited for me to understand that I needed to entrust my life to Him.