Our Problem with Discipline

Many of us don’t like this word “discipline.” It makes us feel uncomfortable, even icky. It has negative connotations. We often associate it with punishment or retribution. To discipline is to punish, right? When a child does something wrong, we discipline him and send him to time-out. He sits in time-out as punishment for the wrong he committed. He has violated some rule in the house, and to make up for the “crime” we send him to time-out.

And sometimes we tell him that he won’t get a snack later. We are disciplining him; we are punishing him. To our contemporary mind, they are one and the same. But this confusion is unfortunate. Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. The root of the word “discipline” carries a much more favorable connotation than punishment.

“Discipline” means instruction. To discipline is to teach, and to be disciplined is to be instructed. In meaning and practice, it is worlds apart from punishment. Whereas punishment is about paying a penalty or compensating for a wrong committed, discipline is about making things right. It’s about getting back on track. It’s about settling the matter. It’s about resolving the issue. It’s about fixing the problem. It’s about healing a broken agreement or promise. It’s about reconciling so that we can keep going.