Don't Be Dinner: Why Isolated Leaders Are Vulnerable Leaders

Several months ago, I visited Akagera National Park in Rwanda. From the safety of our Land Rover, our safari guide pointed to a lone gazelle grazing on the savanna and asked, “Do you know what that is called?”

“Gazelle!” someone offered.

“Dinner,” he replied.

We cringed and chuckled, but the moment stuck with me. That gazelle—isolated and unaware—was vulnerable. And in leadership, isolation can be just as dangerous.

The Danger of Leading Alone

Whenever I hear of a Christian leader brought low, I think of 1 Peter 5:8: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (NIV). Pastors must make especially tempting targets because the damage inflicted often ripples outward—fracturing families, dividing congregations, sowing disillusionment, and harming the credibility of the global church.

We’ve seen the headlines. We’ve watched documentaries and listened to podcasts recounting abuses of power and moral failure. We’ve walked alongside friends navigating the fall or the fallout. But I wonder: Are we learning the right lessons from these cautionary tales? Do we believe that what’s happened to them could happen to us? And if so, what are we doing to guard against it?

Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces. He describes the armor of God, including the shield of faith. For years, I imagined a solitary warrior suiting up for battle. But Paul’s original audience may have pictured something different: Roman soldiers wielded shields in formation, overlapping their shields to protect the group from all sides. What if Paul’s words are not just a call to personal faith, but also an invitation to communal defense? What if the shield of faith is strongest when raised in community?

The Crisis of Pastoral Isolation

I suspect that many of us are operating as lone gazelles, needlessly exacerbating our vulnerability. A recent Barna study revealed that only 49% of pastors frequently feel well-supported by those close to them. [1] That’s a sobering statistic—and a call to action—because those who lead in isolation aren’t just unsupported, they’re exposed.

Just as soldiers in formation protected one another’s blind spots, we need people around us who see what we can’t—and love us enough to say what we might not want to hear. We need those who will challenge our thinking, question our motives, and push back against our defenses and justifications. Mark DeMoss, a public relations professional who served faith-based organizations and causes for nearly three decades wrote in Christianity Today, “Except for acts of nature, terrorism, or crime, the worst crises inevitably stem from self-inflicted wounds—mistakes that might have been avoided had there been an accountability structure with voices to say no.” [2] Our relationships aren’t just comforting; they’re protective. They form the guardrails that help us avoid the pitfalls that have derailed so many.

How to Build a Relationship Constellation

For me, the most effective strategy to combat isolation has been intentionally cultivating a constellation of relationships. It started with mentors. Early in my tenure as president of HOPE International, a Christ-centered nonprofit, a friend introduced me to the concept of “constellation mentoring”—learning from multiple mentors, each offering insight in their area of strength, rather than relying on a single “super-mentor.” [3]

To learn how to grow an organization, I reached out to an entrepreneur who had built a business consistently recognized as one of the best places to work. To improve in fundraising, I asked another leader for guidance. And to stay grounded in faith and family, I sought wisdom from a friend who modeled both beautifully. I asked each mentor to commit to meeting twice a year for two hours over an initial two-year term. Clear expectations helped secure their commitment—though each relationship has since grown into a lifelong friendship.

Why You Need Core Friends (not just mentors)

But mentors alone aren’t enough. We also need trusted friends. Author Andy Crouch has said, “We’re meant to have people in our lives who are so close to us that nothing can impress them and nothing can shock them.” [4] I call mine the “core four.”

These friendships aren’t just comforting—they’re corrective. They help me stay aligned with my values. Not long ago, I shared a challenge with one of my core four and explained how I planned to address it. He listened, smiled, and said, “Hey Pete, you’re being an idiot.” That’s a good friend. As Proverbs 27:6a reminds us, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (NIV). One of the most battle-tested ways to defend yourself against the schemes of the devil is to surround yourself with people who will help you recognize where your loves are disordered, your motivations suspect, your defenses down.

[1] Barna, “7-Year Trends: Pastors Feel More Loneliness & Less Support,” Barna Group, July 12, 2023, https://www.barna.com/research/pastor-support-systems/.

[2] Mark DeMoss, “Lessons from Evangelicalism’s PR Guru,” Christianity Today, April 2019, https://www.christianitytoday.com/2019/03/mark-demoss-evangelical-public-relations-firm-closing-lesso/.

[3] The idea of Constellation Mentoring was developed in the book Connecting by Paul D. Stanley and J. Robert Clinton (Colorado Springs: Nav-Press, 1992).

[4] Andy Crouch, as quoted in Katelyn Beaty, Celebrities for Jesus (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2022), 172.